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People in relationships with those who have bipolar disorder
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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Significant Others Support Group's LiveJournal:

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Saturday, April 24th, 2010
11:59 pm
Too much...
Continuing in the vein of anger and continuous self loathing, suicidal thoughts and anger that he has maintained now for over a year, my boyfriend says he feels angry at me and his mother because we force him to stay alive. He crashed into sheer anger and said he would not pack anymore, that someone had to do it. Then he got angrier and said he would stay up all night and pack the whole house. I told him he would not do this and this only got him angrier.

He regressed to his angry child tantrum-throwing self, immobile with a bulldog grimace in his face and repeating that he was a genetic failure,  that he was destined to suck and never accomplish anything. He basked with pleasure into an orgy of hatred and self-loathing just like the old days. He negligently forgot to refill his night meds and went two days without them. Tonight was the first night he's retaken it. He had another angry outburst yesterday as well. 

He treats me like his punching bag, and then when I become angry in response he says I am belittling him! I react angrily now because whenever I have tried to be gentle and supportive all I have ever gotten is a snap or worse. I no longer have the desire to lay my neck out there so he can bite me because he feels the world is against him.

He does nothing that his therapist tells him: he never sits down to write his book, finding a thousand and one reasons not to do it, he doesn't employ whatever calming methods she has given him. He does nothing to fight thoughts of anger and self deprecation when they first appear, he makes no effort in the slightest and instead rolls around in them like a pig in a sty.

How bad is it that today I took an opportunity to help a classmate of mine with some project details, specially because that delayed my homecoming by at least an hour and granted me that extra hour of respite?

I enjoyed my drive up and down the highway without him, because I knew I would nor be assaulted by his aggressive mood changes and self-loathing and recriminations. For that stretch if road I fantasized I had a partner who loved me and showed me it by being tender, caring, loving, understanding and supportive, not an emotional black hole that ate away from my inside out. The way he used to bebefore this crisis hit a year ago and completely changed the man I have loved for five years, to such a dgree that I don't know if I'll ever see him again... 
Wednesday, February 10th, 2010
1:10 pm
So how would you feel?
So if your boyfriend told you in the past that he loved you just as much as his ex wife, talks to other people in front of you about how good she is in bed, when she calls and tells him to break up with you he does, he looks at her pictures and comments on how beautiful she is, she threatens to kill you and he tells you to write her an apology letter, and says he will always love her would you think he still had feelings for her?

Current Mood: crushed
Friday, January 22nd, 2010
1:04 pm
bipolar relationship
after the intense love and frustration that was my last relationship, we parted with a burned bridge behind us, after years of having been in eachother's lives.
he sent me emails that criticised me, and told me i may be bipolar... that he didn't know how to bring it up, but i would probably get defensive. he said he recognized the symptoms easily because he takes medication to stabilize himself.

"I guess i would just like to know that YOU KNOW that you are wrong.
I know that you know this because the way you are acting shows you are hurt.
But it would be mature of you to aplolgize for pulling me into this
bullshit without thinking."

do you ever feel similarly?

Current Mood: disappointed
Wednesday, July 1st, 2009
6:25 pm
Do you regret it?
I am writing to a community of people who love and care about their bipolar partners - otherwise why would you be participating in this community, or even still be with them? So I don't want my inquiry to be taken the wrong way. I'm young and am doing some "soul searching", I suppose. As I'm sure you are aware, it's been rough loving someone who is bipolar. My boyfriend is manic-depressive and the episodes have been getting worse. To those of you who are in marriages with a bipolar spouse - do you regret making that commitment years ago when love was easier? "Regret" may be too strong a word; I hope you understand my meaning. Please think about your answer and respond honestly. You can message me if you have a private opinion.

Thanks for helping me out.
Friday, June 26th, 2009
1:28 am
So, my partner is on abilify and lamictal. Fortunately, they make her stable and on the whole she does very well. The problem is one or both of these kill her sex drive. This is devestating to me, as I am incredibly sexual and even though I try very hard to be understanding, it's the single biggest cause of conflict in our relationship.

She doesn't want to open our relationship (which I can understand) and masturbating does nothing to satiate my desire for her. So I'm left feeling pretty awful a lot of the time.

For those who have experience with this, is there anything that can be done? I dont want her to mess with the meds she has now, but can anything be safely added specifically to boost libido? Are there anhy natural remedies that I could investigate?

I'm really struggling with this. It's not just the physical urge, it's the sense of being undesired and untouched by your mate and not being able to share an intimate part of yourself with the person you should be closest too.


Any help or advice at all would be so so so helpful. Thanks.
Thursday, January 29th, 2009
8:49 pm
New here too.
I'm 43, and my beautiful wife of seven years has been diagnosed with Bipolar 2. She's got truckloads of willpower and manages to function most of the time, sometimes even when she's pretty miserable. There've been a few times when she couldn't even do that much. She's been continually misdiagnosed (for depression, for insomnia, etc.) for many years and it was only within the last year that she found out she's bipolar.

Just knowing that has helped her a lot, but not quite enough. She's tried several meds, and so far has had the most success with Lamictal (and I have another friend who's doing great with it too), although there are some unpleasant side effects, so she can't stay on it continuously. Trying Trileptal now, very small dose because she's shown very severe reactions when given the "normal" dose for some other meds. No results to report from the trileptal yet, but we're steadily increasing the dosage. So we'll see.

Anyway, hi.

Current Mood: okay
Monday, February 4th, 2008
1:59 am
I am new to this community. My common law husband of two years is bipolar and refuses to take any sort of medication or even to visit a regular doctor.He will not even consider visiting a homeopath or taking any herbs...Apparently he has had some really bad side affects from past medications and therefore 'deals' with the condition on his own.

He is extremely underweight (maybe 100-120 pounds soaking wet). He has a non-existent sex drive for over 6 months (unless it is masturbating by himself). We are monogamous and I do love him. I have never cheated on him and have no desire to. He has problems sleeping (I can't even sleep in the same bed with him any more because of his thrashing).He only wants to play on the computer on online games (like World of Warcraft)and mostly disassociates himself anymore from myself and his step-son. He mostly ignores his friends and our mutual friends, and mostly just goes to work and comes home and game online. I do genuinely love him.

I am trying to be supportive of him. It hurts me to see him suffering and I have no idea what I can do to improve things. I feel like there is no light at the end of this tunnel. He wants us to get married. If things don't drastically improve, I can honestly say I don't see us having a future together long term. I feel I am losing my best friend. When I tell him this, he tries to assure me that he still loves me. I feel like I am trying to keep a non-existent relationship alive. I feel unloved and abandoned by him emotionally and sexually. I have told him this and he tells me 'don't be silly'...I can't talk about what is going on to any of our friends because if I do I know he will consider it a betrayal. So instead I suffer in silence. Am I really the only woman on this planet who is going through this?

Any feedback is appreciated.
Saturday, July 21st, 2007
7:14 pm
Newbie here from Wisconsin...
I've been on LJ since 2002. I'm 40 years old (maybe the oldest one in this community?), and I've been married to my "soul mate" for almost 11 years.

My hubby and I are now going through a divorce, although we've been trying to salvage our marriage. He was the one who initiated everything. Suddenly, he told me that he has been feeling conflicted for years, and doesn't know what he wants. He loves me but perhaps not as much as he should. He wants to be off by himself. He wants to run away from everything. Then he'll change his mind, and think that everything is fine afterall. He has been depressed, really, really depressed from time to time.

Long story short, toward the end, before we split up, he had an affair. He says he was always looking for answers to his unhappiness; searching for things to make him stop hurting, and he was trying to escape...but nothing made him feel better, and he realized that what he was looking for elsewhere was always right in front of him. Me and our kids.

He finally went into counseling, and he has been diagnosed with bipolar. He is devastated by this diagnosis!! Whereas, I am happy to finally have some understanding of why he is the way he is!

Stumbling across this community has already helped me to understand some things. I am currently separated from hubby, but we were doing great, and then wham! He has slipped into an abyss again. Suddenly he doesn't know what he wants; he hates himself; he hates what he has done; he feels that he is "lost beyond help."

I pray that he gets on some medication that helps. I am having trouble coping with him. The more I try to be there for him, the more he wants to hide. He says he can't face me. Yet he loves me. I don't get it?!?!?

I realize that I can't fix him, but this is so hard. I guess knowing that others know how I feel helps.
Friday, July 20th, 2007
1:23 am

Hi. My name is Jennifer,  I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is bipolar. I am writing in several communities in hopes that someone in one of them can help me in some way.  My boyfriend and I were friends for two and half years before we started dating. Everything was fine for awhile and then suddenly on June 29 of this year he calls and says he wants to break up and that he doesn't love me any more and never did. He gives me a new reason for doing this every few minutes and says he wants to stay friends. I later hear from a mutual friend that he had told her a few days earlier " i dont want to do this but i feel i have to." When she asked him why, he replied "Because I'm bipolar." A week later we get back together. Everything seems to be going back to the way it was. Then tonight he calls me and says he wants to break up again. He gives thee same reasons he gave last time and again says that he feels he has to do this. He again says he doesnt love me. And this time says he cant talk to me or be around me anymore but refuses to give me a reason. This all happened the day after I we had a date and he seemed to be very happy. 
I want to ask those in this community if I am right in what I think is causing his behavior. 
I feel, as do a few mutual friends, that he is suffering from a manic episode. I told him this and he said that he wasn't because he was on his meds. 
I also want to ask if it is possible to have a relapse if on the medication lithium. 
I am very heartbroken and don't know what to do. Any advice is welcome. 
If more information is needed, let me know and I will get it to you as soon as I can.
Thanks so much. 

Friday, December 29th, 2006
12:34 pm
hello. hi. i have been a member of this community for a while. i have commented, but i don't think i've ever posted before now. i never know what to say about myself in the communities i've joined. plus, i'm not involved with someone who has bipolar disorder. i'm single, and i have bipolar disorder. i guess i just wanted to find any kind of lj bipolar support group at all. my search brought me here. (are there others?)

i guess i feel like no one is ever going to be able to deal with my bipolar symptoms, and want to be in a relationship with me. i can hardly deal with them myself. how could i expect someone else to? but, i still have hope that someday, someone will come along who is supportive and understanding of what i'm going through.

that's why i'm glad to be a part of this community. it's nice to know there are some people out there who are willing. so um,...thanks for being here. :)

Current Mood: okay
Saturday, December 23rd, 2006
9:26 pm
Brand-spankin' new here...
...so hi!

My husband was diagnosed as bipolar two years ago...it took a little over a year before he could find the right combination of medication/therapy to stabalize him. While he'd been diagnosed those two years ago, as we did more research and thought back, we saw more and more evidence of this problem spanning to at least a year before the diagnosis.

He hasn't worked since the diagnosis, which was actually right after we were able to purchase our house...and I've been supporting us both since with the help of his family...I'd finally been able to land a decent job this past January, and was able to quite the old one two months later, so...it's been very stressful on us both.

I'm very glad to have found this community...it's a great thing to find, because it's so needed.

...so there's the blurb...thanks!
Saturday, October 14th, 2006
9:59 pm
My husband of almost 2 years was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder friday. I have known him for five years, we had a son at 17 years old and got married at 18 years old. After we got married he slowly started to show more and more of his "other side" where he would get into extreme highs and lows. He became abusive to me and our son and cheated on me several times. I did not leave him because I knew that it wasnt my husband doing this.. it was something else, and after a family intervention that needed to happen he finally admitted that he would seek help. He is on medication now and we are slowly hoping for a change to happen. He is also going to seek therapy, both single and together and parenting classes.

Are there any other wives out there who can offer advice and support?
Monday, June 5th, 2006
2:12 am
Just desperate, rhetorical venting.
Background: Community members see this entry.

I hate bipolar! My last boyfriend was severely mentally ill; with what, only god knows. He was abusive and massively depressed. Now, this one. He's good most of the time, but when he goes into funks he shuts down and just wants me to leave. I feel hurt and cry, and he doesn't care. He just yells at me. I suffer from moderate depression, for which I take 112.5 mg daily of Effexor. He's thought since his mid-teens that he was bipolar, and the first psychiatrists to see him agreed, and had him on medications for it for awhile, but his last psych was an ass who took him off them and ruined him. I can't stand it when I hurt so badly and he won't even spoon me to sleep, hell, won't even put an arm around me. He doesn't want to watch me cry, he just wants to play on his computer. And I'm not like this much, I can assure you. I just need him when I am, and he shuts down emotionally. Not every time, but when he does, it makes it hurt so much more.

What can I do? I can't handle this, but I can't give up on the rest of him.... He refuses to see another psych, convinced that there's "nothing" wrong with him.

Current Mood: depressed
Monday, May 29th, 2006
6:36 pm
My b/f has been going through a manic cycle for about a week. We've been together for six months and we've lived together for about three months. Anyway, I haven't had to deal with a manic cycle this bad and it's starting to wear me down. I keep reminding myself it's his mania, not him. I'm starting to get impatient though. How should I deal with it? How can I help him? Can I help him get out of it? He isn't on meds for mania right now because of money issues. He needs to be on them. He has colonapin (sp?). I know that isn't for mania, but he won't take that either. He "doesn't see the point". None of this other friends are supportive with his bipolar and most of them end up triggering his depression or mania without realising it.I don't know what to do. I have a lot of patients and I know how to keep myself cool, but I'm starting to get frustrated. I'm not a very outspoken person either... so yeah. I dunno what to do and I need some help.

Current Mood: confused
Sunday, February 12th, 2006
6:11 pm
::sigh :: rant...
I'm sad now. I'm learning about bipolar and how to help one's you care about who have it. It's overwelming. I can't believe the stuff he has to go through. When you think about it, they are some of the strongest people out there. The ones that live with it their whole lives. 1 out of five people with bipolar take their own lives. Francis has one of the more severe types, Bipolar Type 1. I have a tummy ache now, I had to stop reading it. There is so much to learn and know. I need to take a break right now though. I decided I am going to start therapy again. I read one of the best ways to help your partner is to help yourself. One of the ways they suggested is therapy. Sense I kinda need it anyway, I think I should start it again. I hope I can be there for him and help him. I know I can't fix him or solve his problems for him, but I want to be there for him and support him. At the same time though, I want to take it all alway so that he doesn't have to go through it anymore. He was depressed last night, and I couldn't do anything but just talk with him over the phone. It's just sad. =( I hope he makes it over here tonight so I can cuddle him...

Does anyone else know how I feel? How do you guys cope with it? I guess I just feel helpless because I know I can't do as much as I wish I could. Plus, I worry I might miss a sign that things are worse than they seem, and I won't be there for him, and yeah...

I think I'm just overwelmed atm. I researched it a little, but not to this extent. Now I have someone I care about who has it.

Current Mood: sad
Friday, February 10th, 2006
11:30 pm
Advice and info...
My name's Laura. I'm 18. I posted on here earlier about me having a b/f who is bipolar and I wanted advice and info. I need help with my depression though...

I've been dealing with depression for at least 7yrs. It's mostely stemmed from a six month sexual assault I went through when I was 12. It's on and off. I haven't figured out all of the triggers yet. Sometimes I'm depressed and I don't know why, other times I'll be anxious then get depressed. Then, when I'm depressed I always have a million thoughts swimming through my head. I'll get anxious because everything seems chaotic because I can't organise my thoughts. I usually can't organise them. My b/f was trying to help me with it on one of my depressed/ anxious episodes and it took at least 45min of trying to talk before I could express anything, then it took even longer to start getting stuff out. It's rediculous and very frustrating. Sometimes I feel so overwelmed by everything I think I'm going to go crazy. Then, other days I'll be just fine, or it'll be a little better.

It does sometimes get worse around my period, but I started birth control five days ago. I know one of the possible symptoms was depression. Any idea of how that will react with me? If it will? Or will I just have to wait and see?

Sooo... do you think it's just mood swings, or hormones? Or should I go back to therapy? I was in therapy for a couple weeks about a year ago. Then, my therapist wanted me to be evaluated to see if I needed meds. I was scared at the time, so I just stopped going. But now, if this is something that can be helped with meds, I would like them.

Part of the reason I changed my mind is my b/f is bipolar and I see how much the meds help him. Plus, I decided I need to stop being stubborn and just do what I need to do instead of worrying about being dependant on something. That's another reason I didn't want them at the time. I didn't want to feel like I was dependant one something to be "normal". Can anyone relate to this?

One last thing. Could you guys sent me good sites with info on bipolar and depression? I want to learn more about it. I have researched it, but I would like all the info I could get. Knowledge is power, right?

Thanks y'all in advance. =)

Current Mood: blah
Friday, February 3rd, 2006
12:25 am
Advice is greatly needed
Hello, I guess I'll start with a short introduction.

My name is Laura. I'm 18 and live in VA. I have depression, it's managable though. I went the therapy for a little while, but stopped when they wanted to evaluate me and put me on meds.

The real reason I'm posting I guess is because I need some help.

My boy friend has Bipolar, anxiety problems, and Manic Depression. He's 20. Because of my situation I can relate to him, but I don't feel like I can enough. We've only been together for three months, but we are unbelievably close. I can't explain it, we just clicked.

So far, I haven't gone through the really bad depression with him. He's taking his medication now. So, his anxiety is down and he can think clearly all the time. Sometimes things will trigger him and his anxiety will come up, even with his medicine.

Right now he doesn't have a job, he's in the process of getting one. He's actually hired, he's just waiting for them to get him started. Him not having a job feeds his depression some.

Sometimes he's so depressed he won't get out of bed in the morning. He's told me there's no point to get up. It hasn't been like that too often at all sense he's been back on his medicine. But when he did go through that I would try to get him up, I would try to encourage him and try to think of any reason to get him up, even if it was small. Then, if he just couldn't get up, I would lay there with him, try to get him to talk, and try to help him feel just a littl better.

I want to know what to expect. I know what to expect with the depression, but not the bipolar. What can I expect? How should I handle it? How can I support him and help him to the fullest? Whatever you can think of, please tell me. I care about him so much and I want to be able to help him and be there for him. Even with his problems he's there for me when I'm going through a down period, I want to be there to the fullest for him too.

So, PLEASE, I need all the advice and help you guys can give me.

Thank you guys!

Much love,

Current Mood: hopeful
Wednesday, January 4th, 2006
3:00 pm
When people change what do the rest of us do?
Hey guys,

Any of you who have read my posts before know that I am in a relationship with a man who has MD and it has become a long distance relationship because I am studying in Germany until July 2006. I am home for Christmas and will be flying back to Germany in 2 days.

During the summer, blokey went manic, went missing and then was found and sectioned for up to six months. Although this manicness (which was combined with excessive drinking) was frightening at times (to me) and embarrassing at others, there were also some great moments and we had a lot of fun together.

I also feel that this state was perhaps more real than the state in which blokey finds himself in now; dosed up on olanzapine, citalpram and depakote. He is sleeping a lot, is not motivated and is frightened of a lot of things: like how he will cope living on his own once he moves back to his flat, what he will do, and how he will make friends (he has been living in the area for less than 12 months). For someone who is so brilliant and intelligent, I find this new, quiet state frightening as well. I no longer need worry that he will get up in the middle of the night, get on a train somewhere, buy a tin of red paint then pour it down the drain, or that he will go missing for weeks, not tell anyone where he is, end up gettiing robbed and living on the streets because he is too afraid to go to the police, but I am now worried in other ways for him.

Sometimes now, trying to make conversation with him is like talking to a brick wall, or talking to someone who is in a bubble and who only hears part of what you are saying. He'll say that he needs "things to do", then I suggest getting involved in volunteer projects for the arts - there is a lot of this sort of thing going on, as Liverpool will be Capital of Culture in 2008(!), so that he can go out and meet people and not be kind of stuck in his flat all the time, with not enough to do. He is on DLA, he is writing a book - but that is not enough, I don't think, to keep one happy and healthy. It didn't work before - so how is it going to work now? He has no friends and no self esteem. He is being idealistic and wants the book to be published. But what if it isn't? You can't put all your eggs in one basket - that way lies disappointment.

At some point, I think blokey will stop taking his medication. I think he will start going back to pubs and I think he will end up back in hospital. I don't want to think this, but because he seems so reluctant to look into the whys and wherefores of what is going on, then maybe this will happen. I feel like I can't talk to him about it. The question "Why are you in hospital?" is answered by "because I was sectioned". There is a reluctance to look into this further. When he says "I need things to do" and then I gently start to suggest stuff, and yes, I know this can be too much when you are depressed, I've been there myself, then he'll pick up a newspaper and find a crossword, or change the subject, or say "it's really time I started getting back to the hospital".

He doesn't seem to want to come near me physically either, and I find this hard to deal with. I don't know if talking about this with him will be a good idea or not. Sometimes we sit in silence and I am afraid to speak - in case I say the wrong thing - something "triggering". But I don't know what the "triggers" are.

A lot of you here on the MDF boards seem to have a good understanding of your condition, and while it is never pleasant, you seem to know yourselves - what your capacities and limitations are. I don't feel that blokey has this. I don't feel that he wants to admit to MD or mental health problems (although he did mention he had it the first time I met him) because I don't feel he wants to appear weak. It would be good if he could kind get to the stage where he can talk to me about this stuff because at the moment, everything is very unstable, we can't communicate and we can't move forward.

In short, we are stuck. Any ideas anyone?
Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
2:46 pm
My boyfriend of almost a year is bipolar. I love him with all my heart; when he is level he is a wonderful, caring, intelligent, witty, generous man, and my best friend. We began dating during a "calm" period, and have already experienced a depression together, which was hard, but we got through it. However, in the last couple of months he has been steadily climbing towards another manic phase which has been devastating towards our relationship. I have experienced depression and know much more about how to deal with and cope with that aspect of being bipolar. It was much easier for me to build him up and get him motivated to live normally again than it is for me to understand and work with the erratic behavior that we are going through now. I love him so much and want to make things better, but I don't know how. He says he has it under control; that the drug and alcohol consumption ( which has increased greatly) is not affecting his behavior, but his parents and I see things differently. One of the biggest challenges is that he internalizes everything about his disease, and sees it as a weakness and a failing on his part. I know this isn't true, but I am still battling with reconciling his intentions with his hurtful actions. I find myself resenting his lack of initiative to change things, and make them better. Does anyone have any advice for how to cope during the manic periods? Any words of wisdom would be greatly appreciative, as I feel sort of alone in this whole endeavor. I love him, and want to be here for him, but this is all such unfamiliar, and at the moment, very difficult and painful, territory. Thanks!
Thursday, September 22nd, 2005
4:02 pm
I have noticed something about being in a relationahip with someone that is bipolar. Maybe someone else can relate, too - My demons are kept at bay. It seems if I were to let my demons come forward we would both probably end up dead. So, it may actually be a good thing for at least me. I am no longer self destructive. I don't even really drink anymore. I used to drink a fifth a day! I don't cut anymore either, but I still am relaxed by pain when I am upset (or SO is having an episode), but I usually use my car keys which leave big welts, but not permanently.
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